When I first discovered there was life inside of me it was July 14th, approximately 8 o’clock in the evening. So much was running through my mind, I was in disbelief. I made my first call to my best friend and what a conversation that was. Still in disbelief, I made an appointment because I just needed the proof. When I first heard your heartbeat on August 8th, I was seven weeks. ARE YOU SERIOUS? To know that there was life inside me I fell to my knees and prayed. I prayed so hard because I was so much in shock. I asked God what I should do and he insured me this would be a blessing. I knew I needed you, I knew your life deserved a chance. I knew you were a blessing. I’m not going to lie I was a bit nervous but I quickly got over that. I had no time to waste, you were growing fast. I had to come up with a plan. I prayed so many nights for us.
I prayed God would put me in a position to make sure no matter what, you will always be okay. Since then I have been receiving so many blessings so I know everything will be alright. When I found out what you were on October 27th, I told my ultra sound technician to tell my mom only. It was a moment I wanted to share with your dad, so I drove all the way to his house to surprise him and to both of our surprise IT’S A GIRL! That is one moment I’ll never forget. I knew in my heart you were my little princess, I felt it. The first time I felt you kick, I was so confused. Like was that gas? When I felt them again I laughed because it felt like little butterflies dancing on my bladder. I was so sick. For months I couldn’t eat anything, smell anything. I had BAD morning sickness every day, ALL DAY. Eventually it got better and when it did, I made my mom go with me every night to get Mexican food. Seriously all I wanted was a Quesadilla and a water with lemon, those were my cravings.
When I see you on that ultrasound screen at each visit. I know it’s one day closer that I will be able to hold you. You’re so comfortable in there, so you have no idea how much pain your putting me through. My body aches, my feet are swollen, and my nerves are in pain from you resting on them. I wake up all hours of the night, but I know it will be worth it. You will be my greatest accomplishment to date. I can’t wait until they place you on my chest and I can kiss your face. Mommy will love you forever and even after I’m gone away from this Earth, I will still love you. I dream every night about the day when I finally get to meet you. Truth be told, I’m nervous but I know I’m strong enough to handle that pain. Once I hold on to you I won’t ever let go. I’m going to spoil you rotten and I know I’ll regret it later with how much of a brat you’ll be. You have so much love around you and you don’t even know it yet. I just want you to always know I love you and how much of a woman you have made me. You have made me so much stronger. I’m a different person because of you. Because God needed me to see things in myself that I just couldn’t see before. I’m calmer, more mature, and even when I feel sad you kick me and I feel refreshed again. It took me some time and I know now that I had to change my ways for myself and for you.
I’m so sorry if you’ve felt any of my tears or pain during this journey. This hasn’t been the easiest thing I’ve had to deal with. Just know when you get here I won’t ever show you any of that. And if you happen to feel any pain, just know I will be right there to dry your tears, I will be there to cancel any fears you have. I pray that everything you want in this life, it will be yours. I pray that as a little black girl you’ll know that you can do anything you put your mind to. I pray you’ll know how beautiful you are. I will tell you how beautiful you are. I will show you the World and give you things I’ve never had before.I want you to know anything you’ll ever need just ask. Don’t ever be afraid to talk to me. I will always provide for you and make sure everything you need you will have it and everything to want you will get. You have parents that love you, you have family that loves you. I want you to know that you are a blessing. I have never felt this kind of love growing inside of me. I thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I thank God for choosing me to raise a child in His Kingdom. So here’s to our future. I love you and I can’t wait to meet you in March Miss Zahra Raine.